LikingThat

 Worse

Beau Chaos
All these people
and faces
and crowds
that have nothing to say.
Truth be told, I don't want to search. Searching leads to seeing the same thing over and over again,
yet believing that somehow, this time, it's quite different.
Maybe this thought leads to the realization that eventually I may stop believing.
Or maybe, someday, I will hear a phrase and it would all make sense.
Like music luring you in, I will find peace in the chaos a person may bring.
The chaos of questions, discoveries, that somehow will begin to click.
Like an open-ended debate, grasping at straws, knowing there is no real answer,
yet finding pleasure in the challenge of accepting there is no end.
No end to the debate, no end to endless questions.
Yet, each answer bringing a small answer. I don't want to be disappointed
and I wonder if letting go is the right thing.
If, one day, I will be facing a person who has given up,
and if we will both stand at the edge of a cliff, holding ourselves back
with small talk,
short phrases,
and nothing to say.

Pulled Strings
Swinging in the wind with people passing
I fall, my view obscured by vibrant leaves
The branches holding me in arms so rough, yet gentle
I watch
I twist
I feel them strangling me
Counting the birds and children, still so calm and free
A victim of neglect, atop a towering tree
They pull my strings, breaking me piece by piece
And giving up, grant me their cruel farewells
I wilt and cling to falling branches, lingering
I’m loose
I’m lost
A broken piece of fabric on a string

He sighs
And with his final, peaceful breath,
regrets
That no one lives to tell the tale of death

Contradictions to an End
Tired of caring,
            if there is ever such a thing
I stare at walls and words
            and words
and words...
Keys typing in a painful trance
These words, fractions of what I can’t convey
An outlet for what’s lost and locked away
My lucid dreams, in which he breaks
reflections of you, as I flee from this
only to wake up, face his questions once again
How can he ask me to let go of thoughts?
      The world where all control is lost
Where thoughts of you, like coins are tossed
Where ice is the emotion that we've felt
with every inch of writing
watch it melt
Clinging to trust I can no longer hold
Before we watch us growing old
when feeling free will be too late
The man I'll never hate,
                                    let go
but know,
              no longer fearing words I might regret
love isn't something lovers can forget.

Rescue
Iron from walls
so slip through a lining
and show me--

Ice tear from lies
don't smile self-deceiving
and fool me--

Idle illusion
oh, look through the wine glass
to know me--

Iris cue- you
surrender.
go, rip through my heart
like you own me.

A t Night, I Cried.
At night, I cried.
They couldn't tell
I felt the frozen winter crawling
Right here I wept, under the sky
Feeling their sorrows softly calling

At night, I cried.
The world went on
I felt their pain and took the risk
I rose and wept, under the stars
And watched below, the quiet bliss

At night, I cried.
Through frozen air
My tears rolled down and turned to snow
Someone cried out, under the flakes
And laughing, watched them fall below

Yet soon, I laughed
And took a breath
Horizon stumbled upside down
Now high, they cry with falling snow
While here I smile, they wear a frown

The night I cried
The world went on
With sighs, we'll laugh au clair de lune
While here we'll watch the striking sun
Someone will weep under the moon

Find...
Outside the lines, there are miracles.
          Across this, the sighs would now fade,
                          the tension would slip away,
                                               she'd smile

Somewhere within, there are voids
          Something unknown, now destroyed
                            how long can you last
                                               she'd ask

Herself or the cause, in circles
          Surrounded with words, seeming pointless
                            dreaming out loud
                                               a million cries.
 

Fallout
silence.
drop.
that's all it takes.
i count to one,
        two,
            three, in my head,
taking my time
she sits across the room and...
thoughts.
leaves.
falling slowly
if it was winter, I'd wish for spring
if it was summer, I'd wait for fall
when leaves gently fall
    land.
        drop.
            one after the other.
       today,
if one fell, I'd wait for the next
if none fell, I'd wonder why
they stretch themselves out before me
    trust.
        fall.
            land.
i catch them so easily
one after the other, countless, effortlessly
    one falls. another replaces.
drop.
silence.
they wonder why I'm gone.

Shadows in a Box
Looking at the skeleton of a building
strip away the walls
strip away the shields
what do you see?
a maze, a fragile beehive... so many faces
souls in a box
after box
after box
does anyone truly care about the one that follows
and when they do, isn't it all to gain?
egoism in one way or another
he steals for food; satisfy his hunger, kill the craving within
he kills for redemption and peace. how ironic.
and there, behind that wall, in that box
is a man who gives and believes
it would make a difference
yet...
he gives because it makes him feel better
stop. egoism right there?
eyes move from one edge of the building to another...
shadows, conversations, phone calls, heartbreaks
lives flashing before your eyes and you wonder
there must be someone out there who truly cares
there must be someone out there who's looking out
glancing from one edge to another
and you wonder when, if ever, your eyes will meet.
 

Our Madness
My eyes became too wise for my young age
Just like aged books with knowledge – good or bad.
Why did you turn mad and let me watch you?
For I cannot bear you dying like a rose
That did not yet expose its beauty.
Your intelligence and goodness could have captured hearts
Your positive stance, sincere words,
Civil conduct and beautiful face
Now merely see this world through rose glasses
Oh how I wish to see things how you see them,
So that I can understand you better,
But I am powerless. Your madness, so contagious, did its trick
Why did our fortunes choose to split us in this cruel and monstrous manner?
I wonder if this condition caused this painful revolt between us,
Or is there explanation far deeper than the surface?
I cannot think.
And what will they say now?
My family, close friends – are these the only people left I can be sure of?
And you? With a sweet melody, like a flutist attracted me to see his show
And let the cobra’s venom make its sudden blow.
Leave, I say, I have no choice.
How much that prickles my heart
For whose if not our words tear us the most.
But they’ll surely read our eyes, and will distinguish our condition.
They’ll heal my wounds and comfort me.
But what is comfort to me when He is still not there?
The venom slowly flows, reminding of betrayal and dismay
And every day we’re mad, I break and shred away
To live with this insanity at heart
Is harder than to split the soul and form apart

 Reality Two Dreams
Line by line I write from side to side
Letters walking step by step as the pen moves stroke by stroke
I draw a wheat strand and transform it into a feather
Line by line
I wish I was that weightless
and it all came easy
easy like falling, effortless. Swaying from
Side to side
If I didn't have to push myself and look forward,
I would get caught in the " dead ends"
The journey between brings life
I'm alive when I rise
Step by step
If only I could transform myself,
to climb in two directions,
to change like wheat strands to feathers
Stroke by stroke
Some get lost in dreams and some run from reality
Where do we find success? Put
Two and two
together

Porcelain Doll
What does she know? She is so tired
So tired
So tired
Her fingers can’t type but they’re still moving
She’s looking up at you, the porcelain doll above her
Your face lacks emotion. She feels your sadness?
Beautiful dress, golden curls, what difference does it make?
You’re just a doll, he said
Just
A doll?
You can’t move and she’s lost in space as well
Her fingers don’t want to move, yet she forces them to
You aren’t that different
She feels like a porcelain doll. Sad and helpless? No,
She can’t feel either
Head tilted back, dress pouring over her crossed legs
She… she can’t see your heart, doll
Those ruffles, those lashes, all signs of you being unreal
Slowly turning cold. She's slowly growing old
If you could cry, would your tears turn to ashes?
Or would they turn to ice and cry for eternity?
It’s the freedom that sets her apart
In a place that’s her mind- she can see, you are blind
She’s sorry she’s moving but you’re locked in that place forever

My Neverland
I don’t need eyes to see you
See you as I’ve never seen you before,
Shedding the veil you throw over yourself
 
In this world, I can see right through you
You can see right through me
There are no thoughts of who to be
Everything comes naturally
 
The sun shines every day
No bitterness, no night
No revulsion, no fright
 
I don’t need ears to hear you
Hear you and listen to every word and every opinion
I can hear you speak with no sound
“Not possible”?
It is. Here, anything is
 
I see no difference
You are me and I am you
All part of one another
Son or father, daughter or mother
 
I don’t need lips to speak
There is a boundless understanding
No need for reasons
What’s the need of explanations
If there are no limitations?
 
All valleys and roads lead uphill,
There is no down
There are no ends, for who would have thought of such a possibility?
All hopes live on
All dreams pass on
 
No, this place isn’t perfection
There are no opposites, no reflections
The word “perfect” has no meaning
Since isn’t it only a matter of believing?
 
See, there is no right or wrong
There are no groups where one belongs
We’re all a part of one
One world
No, no boundaries
 
You can see no limits across the open fields
No need for escape, no need for shields
 
I don’t need wings to fly
Fly up… no, there is no sky
I can see this world from anywhere
One goal and life can take you there
 
This is my Neverland.

Polaroid Shot
Behind me, they're turning
In the same direction
Something unknown
Catching their attention

Two hands in my pockets
Pig-tails on my head
The cracked tiles on pavement
My sneakers, small, red

They're all facing one way
My eyes turned ahead
I smile at the camera
They look back instead

Dark jean overalls
And sleeved shirt, snow white
In front of a crowd
Beneath the streetlight

I've always persisted
On smiling each day,
Looking for difference,
Doing things my way

Now I smile, looking down
At the scene I forgot
Captured by a camera
One memory in one shot

Inertia
Dragging my feet scraping the decrepit road, travelled too far
Over twists and turns, bridges curved as smooth as sides of a guitar
Pulled by wild ambitions, but disenchanted, filled with ire
Mind captivated by thoughts; in their voices, a note of vinegar

Countless signs of hesitation, the need to set the past on fire
No choice but to forget, scorch the restrictions, set foot on a towering spire
Slowly waiting for the hurtful memoirs to efface
Each move carried at a slow pace, (running to or from the heart’s desire?)

Bowing over the glistening lake stirring with such grace
Catching a glimpse of you, wearing the smile I’ve so long misplaced
As I raise water to my numb lips from the cold reservoir
Stumbling back, running from falling in love with that face

That strange illusion following every step, so confounded, so bizarre
I feel memories creeping behind me down this path, piled into an eternal repertoire
Quickening my pace, hoping for them to retire
Walking forth through towering gates, (yet leaving them ajar)

If I Could Fly
If I had wings. if I could fly
If I could take off, touch the sky
If all my hopes, if all my dreams
Would come as I would spread my wings

If the wide world would seem so small
If I could float up high, so tall
Then I would wish upon a star
To find out who you really are

And we could fly away together
And watch the planets from afar
If I could sail across the wind
From fall to summer, off to spring

I’d smile and laugh towards the sun
Knowing the fears I can outrun
And having you safe by my side
I’d know where all my hopes reside

If I had wings, if I could fly
If I could take off, touch the sky
I’d glide through space and close my eyes
I’d never have to wonder why

Why you are far, out of my reach
And I am standing on the ground
Why resting here, I feel so small
The wish for knowing, so profound

If I knew how to rise up high
If I could take off, touch the sky
Forgetting all our disarray
I’d spread my wings and fly away

Plastic Heart.
She is sitting on the linoleum, her diary wide open.
The last date is months ago.
So much happened since then.
People come. People go.
Her life is a two-way street.
People either pass by or stop to speak.
Some continue in their path.
Some turn back and resume the lives they’ve led till this point.
She picks up the diary, flips to the first page, and keeps reading.
Images. Scenes of the past. Long-lost conversations.
The last entry is a quote. One line.
A small envelope falls from the diary.
Inside is a hand-crafted envelope.
A girl is smiling from the cover of the card within.
Her smile and eyes are clear lines.
Her hair is straw in long twines.
Her face is a beige paper circle.
Her hat is a gentle flower with a tint of strawberry.
Her necklace is a twisted beaded thread with a plastic heart.
It was the card she bought one summer in the past.
It was the card that said "Love you" beneath the smiling girl.
It was the card she never sent.

Colourin’ Just Is (Colour Injustice)

He is green
She is pink
Are you purple
        Do you think
They are violet
We are white
It is hazel
        It is right
Turquoise, floral
Ochre smudge
Sienna painting
        That they judge
By the strokes
Tracing each other
By the contrasts
        By the colour?
Orange, crimson
Blue teardrop
Green for go
Red for         Stop.

Replay
She scribbled quickly late at night
Figuring out which line seemed right
There lay the empty papers on the floor
And in the trash bin, many more
"I love you" too cliché, she frowned
Threw it away without a sound
And quickly she began to write
"She scribbled quickly late at night
Figuring out which line seemed right
There laid the empty papers on the floor"
As she heard knocking on the door
Quickly turning off the light
Hiding the papers out of sight
The room was slowly turning gray
She waited for the sounds to fade away

End
Words turned into poems
Smiles changed into tears
Minutes not beside you
Rolling into years

Countdowns cutting short
Laughter fading out
Fire burned to ashes
One forms from a crowd

Ripples spread to water
Plant turns to a rose
Soprano slides to alto
Open comes to close

Speaking turns to typing
The “I” slips to a “U”
The day is now a memory
‘I know’ changed to ‘I knew”

Now I come to wonder
Does lover turn to friend?
This once I’d like to think
Not all comes to an end

Can't You See What I See
Turning, starting to flee
She notices, saying
"Do you see what I see?"

One glance, one touch
It surrounds, it's right there
Can't tell them about this
Knows, they won't care

They're a part of it
Unnoticed, following, she's not
Knows what it is,
They have forgot

It smiles with patience
And holds out a hand
She walks, not caring
Time passing, understand

The hand is still there
Smiling politely, so clear
She's feeling frustrations,
Emotions, the fear

Of giving in, giving up
Rushing through, thoughts are dead
Running from, not deciding
Not thinking ahead

Again, she begins,
"Can't you see what I see?"
They're smiling, keep walking
"Why can't you hear me?"

Then it all becomes clear
All motion frozen, set
The choice, the silence
Unafraid, to forget

Breaking the silence
Dropping the key
Stumbling, whispers
You'll never see what I see...

 My Light
You didn’t let me stay down for too long
You helped me keep courage, be strong
When I was lost and didn’t know what to do
You were always there to help me get through
When the world seemed cold and unkind
You were there for me the happiness to find
If a problem arose or I made a mistake
You’d give me a hug and the sadness would break
When I’d give up and burst in tears
One glance at you would shatter my fears
If I’d stumble to fall or would get in a fight
You would give me a smile and the world just turned bright
When darkness comes, and turns to night
You are the hope, the star, my light

 Illusion
Seconds off the drifting sand
Has shifted late, it went offhand
Seems shifting back just days before
When I knew less, it's asked for more

The wish it knew there was no choice
It didn't listen, hear my voice
Now turning back to things unseen
Trying to forget where I have been
 
Wish I could calm the mixed confusion
The feelings left from our illusion
The road ahead has split in few
Returning back the wish I knew

It had in mind the words if only
Sank in the mirror feeling lonely
Now words will speak that then I chose
To throw away the sinking rose

Not for the reason it has been
But for the things that I have seen
It spread the hate, reasons unknown
What it really was, through this was shown

I’m glad it did what it has done
Opened my eyes from this strange stun
Although the road is still unclear
Soon it will pass and disappear

But though I try to rid of this
It’s coming, flying from above
It’s real; it’s here beyond our reach
It’s something all of us call love

Deafening, In my World
Can you hear me?
Beneath the pillars of sound, the rising waves
Through piercing arrows of their glances and blind expectations
Stop the tears from falling,
Thrust the sky to its confines and pierce the heart of fright,
I’ve learned there are no limits

Can you see me?
Unwilling to subdue in the mass of colours
Striking an edge of a blistering cliff
Reaching against time in the midst of twilight
As the howl of unawareness whispers from their lips,
Being ignored by determination

Can you find me?
On this boundless planet, standing along the undiscovered road
In fear of launching into the ocean before me
Where no walls exist, where I am lost
Separated from the continuation of life above
Reaching for support to fill the emptiness within

Can you understand me?
A small spark of life striving for unity, calm, essence of freedom
From the dark abyss of silence
In the midst of herds galloping through obstacles
As bullets split the air on the other side of my world
And fear waits to embrace me in its open arms

My fingers create movement
Making sense as they stir through the air
But you will never recognize the silence within,
in my world.